Sunday, November 8, 2009

Mom Notes

I think Mom, 90, brushed her teeth with her hand lotion yesterday--and decided she needed to find her Crest toothpaste --which was not lost. She showed me the lotion she used --clearly marked "hand lotion."

Everyday, we look for lost things among her chest of belongings. It keeps her busy. She is pretty sure other people are responsible for what she cannot find.

She has a favorite fleece sweater with pockets. It's baby or periwinckle blue with plaid elements --very casual looking. I have to hide it to keep her from wearing it every time she goes anywhere --especially with her favorite pants which are a more aqua blue --so they clash --in addition to wearing it every day at home which is fine. But it needs washing, and she gets real indignant in her opinion that things don't need to be washed just because they have food splotches on them.

"No one is going to notice. People don't look at those sorts of things!"

Same with baths. "People don't take baths every day." (or any day, by her calendar.) "Yes they do, Mom. Rob does; Jon does; I do."
"O that's ridiculous."

She can't open the shower door herself or turn the water on and off, so this supervision of the shower is my daily duty.

Rob gets her breakfast --and no body can make breakfast like Rob, she says. I will brew coffee and doctor it up with flavorings and splenda --and it's no way NEAR the quality of his instant mix of de-caf and caf, black. (Even though she likes sweets!) I fixed scrambled eggs once thinking it was a treat for both Grandmas -- had bacon and the works --and both were dissatisfied. (The other grandma is 88 and can hardly walk but has her mental faculties --and has been visiting quite frequently lately. She's very close to having to go into a facility as I won't be able to compensate if she can't walk anymore.

Of Rob, my mother says he's been taking care of her since he was a little boy.

"No, Mom, just since he stayed now and then with you during some college years. --He wasn't a little boy.

"Well, sure he was!"

She is quite willing to undress in front of nearly everybody, which we certainly don't allow. She just thinks I'm silly to think she ought not undress in front of the men in the family.

But she came here lonely--and she doesn't mind it if Rob and I are on computers in her room, the sun room (my only guest bed on the main floor with bathroom attached). She had gotten so lonely living alone. She would normally want to crab at any who kept her awake past her ridiculously early bed times --but she thinks Rob belongs in her room all night --and doesn't complain about me either. About Rob, she says, "Where IS he, the room is ready!!"

I said, "Mom, he doesn't sleep in your room."
"Why, yes he does!" with the look I get daily that says, "What are you, a do do bird??"

O the trials of life --Mudrake and Mom!

"God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance and have eternal life."--the Bible


mud_rake said...

a racist homophobe with an ego

mud_rake said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
matthew said...

No doubt you're storing up treasure in heaven and adding years to your life here by honoring your mother in this way. It's encouraging to read...

Barb said...

I've thought about it --whether or not I dishonor Mom to tell the humorous stuff --and include her in the same paragraph with Mudrake.
I can't tell if you're serious or critical here, Matt. I suspect the latter -- Since I don't think of this as "honoring" I'm guessing you don't either. I'll do one that honors her next.

Someone else was telling me they learned not to argue with their parent about memories --but just agree. My mom's memories are all out of whack.

I also tell her, "Mom, I'm only requiring what you taught me --you made me take baths --and go to the dentist and wear clean clothes, modesty, etc.!" She said to me she was NOT going to the dentist --and they did find a couple of cavities. My excuse: she made ME go to the dentist. She says, "Well, that was different --he was my husband's cousin!" True, but Mom always took good care of her teeth and has all of them and they are in good shape for her age. She said she wasn't having trouble with them so why should she see a dentist who would just make up trouble to get money. She's not entirely void of reason, as you can tell!

As they say, happiness is a choice, and I choose to accept how mom is with humor --rather than mourning the woman she used to be.
She is a very cute little ol' lady the way she is --and if she were NOT experiencing dementia, we could not stand to live together. Mom, like me, is very outspoken but with even less tact--and she is very comfort oriented and strong-willed. She is actually much more portable and agreeable than formerly --when she wasn't a good traveler and tired easily and would have been a more picky eater. She's actually up for more adventure like a kid, now. And seems to know she needs help with daily things, for the most part. She thought it was "lots of fun" when I took her to Max and Erma's the other night for soup and banana pie --and then introduced her to Anderson's where we both rode the scooters. They are decked out for Christmas with lots of lighted trees in the greenhouse --and i believe one could do all their christmas shopping there! She maneuvers well. She bought things, got them home, and had no memory of buying them.

she also would have formerly been on me about any little mess in the house and would have expressed more exasperation about various things. she's actually a better guest than she used to be.

The reason we haven't had her here sooner is because of her stubbornness about staying in her home and driving. I hoped we could get a live-in, but depspite the bad economy, no church had anyone to recommend --even to come in daily. We began to realize that she could be a hazard on the road and that we had to take that from her. She acquiesced reluctantly but does listen to reason--unlike some bloggers closer to my age.

However, she would still be in her home if she hadn't chosen herself to return with Rob on the day he took her home in February. She didn't want to stay there --where there were no people, she said. We would have gotten a team of in-home care givers --someone to drive her to the grocery,e.g. if she had insisted on being home. But I knew she would give such people a heck of a time with her paranoia --and blame them for everything she couldn't find. When she says she wants to go home, I tell her she'll have to have helpers --and she doesn't want to meet new people to help her. I have friends who tried that for their mother and it just didn't work. And we would eventually have had to bring her here sooner or later.

matthew said...


I was not being critical at all. Totally serious.

I meant you are honoring her by bringing her into your home and caring for her.

It really is encouraging because few people are willing to do what you're doing. It's one thing for us to write and read blogs but another thing altogether when we actually get our hands dirty and do something.

Barb said...

I deleted one comment above because, once again, the sly old muckflinger had found a way to print my whole name --which most of you know, but perhaps some crazies do not.

Talk about obsession! The research he goes to for me! tsk tsk

Barb said...

I'm relieved, Matthew, to have support --for anything!

mud_rake said...


No, it wasn't because of your name- who cares about your name- it was because the link was to the homophobic article your wrote and the replies you received from 3 Toledo Blade readers who used your full name in their rebuttal of you blatant homophobia.

You are embarrassed that three people called you out, personally, for all the Blade readership to witness.

You really are a sorry-ass.

By the way, did you learn your homophobia from "mom?" We she a homophobe too, just like you?

We learn lots from our moms. Mine taught me to be kind, loving and tolerant of people who were not like me. Yours obviously taught you to be a bigot.

Barb said...

We learn lots from our moms. Mine taught me to be kind, loving and tolerant of people who were not like me. Yours obviously taught you to be a bigot.

This is hilarious, coming from you. No, my mother saw to it that we were not snobs --that we took people to church with us and to our homes who were very poor, poor students, and not always too clean. She did understand the Bible quite well about snobbery --including intellectual snobbery --which, in all honest candor, I must say you exhibit all too often on your blog. Go read your own stuff if you want to see bigotry! We were taught not to be racist --but when it came to sexual perversion, NOTHING was said; it was not being promoted in those days.

Furthermore, Denis, you prove how little you know and understand me if you think I mind you reprinting that one particular original Blade letter and the responses. I re-read that letter of mine from a few years back (thanks to your posting it elsewhere) and still today think it was very correct --something most people would agree with. Those who wrote to the contrary were pro-gay activists.

I wrote then in response to General Pace's insistence that we uphold "don't ask; don't tell" rather than an open door policy to homosexuals in the military. I wrote specifically about co-ed dorm rooms and co-ed bathrooms used by both sexes simultaneously in colleges--and straights sharing intimate quarters with gays in military. I repeat again without embarrassment: Those with potential for sexual attraction ought not be in any forced intimate situations, i.e. bedrooms, barracks and bathrooms.

but I take a dim view of you printing my name over and over, Denis Eble, former 6th grade teacher of math at Anthony Wayne --whose name, address and phone number are in the phone book.

I think you really DO mind your name being out there. At least, you didn't want ME to know who you were. You'll just have to put up with your loss of anonymity from now on--as you've made me do.

Sorry, Mudrake sympathizers out there, some people need a taste of their own meds for their own good when they have no respect for others with whom they disagree

Jeanette said...

We learn lots from our moms. Mine taught me to be kind, loving and tolerant of people who were not like me.

I'm glad I didn't have something to drink in my mouth when I read that.

Denis, you are the most intolerant person of anyone who is not like you in all respects.

You seem to be ambivalent about whether you are a practicing Catholic or a practicing God-denier. Then you project everything you think we Christians think and therefore it is true. You refuse to allow dissent on your site and call Barb and me names.

You don't want Barb on your blog but you visit hers daily to drop a stink bomb and then watch the excitement.

I wonder why you didn't return my call the day I was "away for awhile" and gave Barb permission to delete any comments with my name "until I returned."

Strange how I called your house to tell you to cease and desist (in a pleasant but firm way) and posted the same sentiments on your blog (which you didn't post but did read, despite your denials)

Now, get rid of the fake Jeanette Blogspot blog and you and I can part ways.

As I told you in the phone call message and in the comment, I don't hate you, but I love you because I want you to experience the joy of being a born-again Christian and see how wrong you are about me, Barb and any other true believer in Christ.

Jeanette said...

To clarify: When I called Denis Eble's phone number at the time I was supposed to be "gone for a few hours" he was the one who was gone and I was at home. He made mention of my going to a doctor in a subsequent comment. A psychiatrist, specifically.

Mr. Eble was probably out trying to be a sixties hippie protester again that day.

It is strange, though, that people like him can talk big online but can't back up their talk in real life.

Yeah, I've got your number, your name and your address, and I had a witness on the phone with me when I made that call just in case you tried to lie about it.

You have nothing to fear from me as long as you stay out of my business and quit stealing my identity. Maybe the fact I have a step-brother who is a detective on the police dept. in your city and I told you that helped you to back off. Now just take down the blog that is empty, even of your hateful and spiteful lies.

matthew said...

I just called Denis to see if he wanted to go out for coffee or a beer but he didn't answer. :(

Jeanette said...

He's out organizing an anti-war, anti-Christian and anti-Republican protest.

Probably has a greasy pony tail and leather jacket two sizes too small and wears a peace symbol around his neck.

Probably talks of free love too. He just hasn't left the sixties.

Barb said...

Thanks for the chuckle!

mud_rake said...

The recent comments here makes me think I'm on a teenage twitter page. Of course, as you all are 'born again' maturity is always some unreachable goal. Juveniles.

No wonder so many people are moving away from 'Christianity' with the three of you 'representing' Jesus.

I think the 3 of you just pimp Jesus and you are charlatan 'christians.' In fact, I know that.

Tell me, what was the greatest command that Jesus gave to His followers? I'll bet that answer will be very difficult for you three 'girls' to state.

Barb said...

37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[a] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[b]

Do you not feel loved by us, Mudrake?
Just because Jeanette teased you a bit about your 60's activism after the dirty trick you played on her --impersonating her and saying you (she) were out to visit your (her) shrink. You feel unloved because J called you to ask you to take down that blog and profile you created for her? and quit impersonating her and others?

As for Matt, when he offers beer or coffee, he really is making a gesture of good will. He'd rather go out with you than me, I'm sure.

When I posted your name, it was to apply the golden rule --assuming that every time you have posted my name YOU were following the golden rule and wanted me to post your name. Right? Did I misunderstand?

I've offered lunch and burying the hatchett and smoking the peace pipe, offered the olive branch, etc.

So do you feel you obey this commandment and love God and us? I wasn't aware that you made such a claim or such an effort.

Rob R said...

Tell me, what was the greatest command that Jesus gave to His followers?

Oh, oh, let me try: Do thou as mudrake says, not as he does. Is that it?

Barb said...

Obviously, I don't belong to the cult of door mat Christianity.

Jesus didn't either, when he called people whited sepulchres filled with dead man's bones and a generation of vipers.

There is a time for returning good for evil--and a time for speaking truth. We've done a lot of turning the other cheek where Mudrake was concerned --and tried to cross a bridge of peace. and we are still willing --and comparatively quite civil.

Jeanette said...

Poor Denis. He can dish it out but he can't take it. I know how you can stop us from teasing you, Denis. Quit dishing it out!

I told you I love you and want you to be in heaven with us. What's hateful about that?

Put your bong down and stop hating so much. I've heard of people taking "grumpy pills" but you must own the franchise and take the whole warehouse every day.

You seem to be a very unhappy and disturbed soul. Perhaps you should expend the energy you use trying to pretend God does not exist and use it to finally accept the truth that He does exist and He does love you.

It will make you a much better person, I promise. You won't be so conflicted about your own beliefs that you pretend not to hold.

mud_rake said...

One more teenager added to the teenie discussion group.

"Love one another."

I note that Jeanette and Rob couldn't quite get those three difficult words out. They are tough words, aren't they Jeanette, Rob and a most-difficult commandment to live. You surely know that!

Naturally, The Boss had to dip into the extended version of the three-word commandment to include her delusional 'god' that needs supplication. At least she got part two correct. But words are easy, aren't they? So easy to say and type.

Damned hard to put into daily practice though. That's why some people pimp Jesus's commandment and jump back to that Jewish travelogue, the one with the tribal deity who demands constant attention, supplication, and ass-kissing.

It's always a hoot to come here to visit the local loony bin, the delusion headquarters in Maumee, Ohio. I'll stop by from time to time more regularly because I got my H1N1 and my FBS vaccines today. I'm immunized!

Barb said...

Get a grip, Denis. YOu're sliding in your own muck here!

Jeanette said...

We must give Denis a break because, unknowingly I'm sure, his parents forgot to put a second "n" in his name and marked him for life.

How many times do I need to tell you I love you, Denis, before you believe me? I do love you and want you to be saved and spend eternity in heaven with your Savior and God and you'll be more than thrilled to supplicate to Him for saving yourself from the punishment we all deserve---hell.

But He loves you even more than I am capable of loving you.

BTW, do you have a problem with Jewish people?

How about if you have your censored blog buddies come over here to see your own actions and decide if they show your own OCD.

May God be with you and may you give in to the call of the Holy Spirit and be redeemed forever.

It doesn't hurt. Honest.

mud_rake said...

Jeanette- I now realize that my New Testament 'quiz' was too difficult for you so I've dumbed it down to make it easier for you.

Just try to fill in a few letters here and you might be successful.

Question- 'What was the greatest commandment that Jesus taught?'

Answer: L_ _ E _ N _ _ N _ T H _ R.

I'll bet you'll get this in less than an hour. Give it a try, old girl!

[I'm praying for you]

mud_rake said...

Barb- isn't it about time to roll out another fiery HOMOPHOBIC post? You know you've got that OT righteousness deep in your heart to really blast those SODOMITES!

Give it a go, old girl. It's about time you get some fire started here in this stuffy blog of yours.

Hit those HOMOS with all you've got, gal!!

Dust off that original copy of the Diary of the Wandering Jews and give 'em HELL!

Maybe, if you can't quite get started, you could lift a few comments [about 100] that you made on the "I Don't Like Buddy Jesus" thread. Wow! You were HOT! HOT! HOT! over there! Sizzling!!

I've been keeping track of the timing of your HOMOPHOBIA posts and, quite interestingly, they correspond with the full moon. You are 4 days late and clearly out of sync!

You know how busy you'll be in a few weeks with choir practice and the staging of the 'big birthing event' so get it out today!

I'm praying for you.

Love one another. - Jesus [don't tell Jeanette]

ps. at least 1000 words!

Barb said...

As I already told you, Denis, we all know the greatest commandment is to love God and the 2nd one is love thy neighbor --and the Christians here posting thought I answered you for all of us --didn't know you wanted everybody to parrot me and show they could cut and paste. They could never prove to you that they ALSO knew their scripture --which they do.
What would be the point since I already answered the question?

What, I'm only homophobic once in 30 days with the full moon? That must be disappointing to you with your perception that homosexuality is my only topic. Actually, even I think I post on the topic more than once a month. But I don't obsessively keep track like some people....

HOw obsessive is it to keep track of my topics and google my old Blade letters and responses? Come on, Denis, go see your priest or your psych --or somebody!!

And what's with your concern about Jeanette's love for you. Why do you want us to love you when you don't love us? Because that's what Christians do. But in your case, is it because you want to provoke us to share hatred with you??

I've tried many times to express myself kindly or just neutrally to you and it doesn't thaw you out. You hate and that's your bottom line. And you are obsessed with it. How can we help you? hatred is a terrible prison --hatred as an obsession is dangerous for all.

I have no hatred for homosexuals. They tend to hate those who don't agree with them about gay marriage and the whole GLSEN agenda in our schools and military. I disagree with them and you want that disagreement stifled. Either you are a closet homosexual yourself --or you are really under the delusion that gays are born and that homosexuality cannot be prevented or changed. I believe it can be and that it would be better for them and society in general if it can be.

Jeanette said...


You are really getting to be a bore.

Jesus told us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

Now I can love you and not like you and that is the case here.

I don't love you as a brother, husband or friend, but I do love you and have no animosity to you. You make it difficult to love you, but I do love you and covet your soul for Jesus.

I would give up my own life if it meant you would repent and accept Jesus as your Savior.

You just want to say "love one another" when in fact it is love your neighbor as yourself.

We have shown you patience and love and you have not reciprocated.

What else to you want us to say?

I want you to be saved. Just as Jesus wants you to be saved. There will be plenty of time in hell for you to realize we are right in telling you to accept Jesus, but it will be too late to do anything.

You have to make that decision while you are alive.

Christian love to you, and prayers you will finally accept the truth you are trying so desperately to forget.