Friday, June 11, 2010

Dr. Phil's "Right to Happiness" --Bad Advice

I was a bit disgusted with Dr. Phil this morning. He was counseling a family whose mother/wife was having an affair --and she still had 3 daughters at home. He said to the children that their mother "has a right to be happy" "wherever that would lead" --but there was "a right way and a wrong way" to go about it.

It was clear that Dad was just older-looking than mom --and better-looking, I might add. I didn't watch all of it so didn't hear any complaints about the husband. But I heard them say that she went to Vegas with Boyfriend and didn't have sex yet by HIS decision because he was waiting for her to divorce. I would've suggested that pedophiles do this --marry woman with kids and have no interest in sex with the grown women they seduce.

Dr. Phil did raise the question of why the wife thought the lover should be viewed as "honorable" for not having sex yet --while nevertheless sharing a bed with a married woman with kids. A man of integrity doesn't have affairs with married women, with or without sex.

Dr. Phil pretty much tried to alleviate any guilt for people who divorce in order to have their affair --that being the "right way to do wrong," apparently. He called ending the marriage and divorcing "the right way" to attain your happiness and get into a new relationship.

He said the younger children are "at risk" for all sorts of poor choices because of their mother's infidelity --he at least called it that. He offered marriage counseling or family counseling as needed at the show's expense. That's a good thing he does, but I didn't like him suggesting that the mother had a "right to happiness" that included a "right" to hurt her husband and kids. Do we really have a right to pursue sexual/romantic happiness apart from our vows and commitments to family? I think not. We need to work on the marriages we have.

To Dr. Phil's credit, he models a committed marriage; he calls infidelity what it is; he offers counseling --but then he seems to condone a "good divorce" as though divorce could be good.

I won't say divorce is never necessary --Jesus said adultery was grounds for divorce on the part of the aggrieved spouse, but He also said that God hates divorce and only allowed it "for the hardness of your hearts." I think REAL emotional and physical abuse are grounds, too, and any danger for the children from a spouse who abuses either them or the spouse. They say it is harmful for kids to see their mother tolerate abuse.

I do believe any 2 people CAN will to make their marriage work --but it does take two --though there are spouses who have modeled Christian love and forgiveness to difficult mates and seen their marriages saved.

A good marriage weathers a lot of storms and also mellows like a fine wine with age.

"God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance and have eternal life."--the Bible


Jeanette said...

Gosh, Barb, I never would have guessed you watched daytime TV, let alone Dr. Phil! LOL Is he even a real doctor or is it just his stage name?

I don't get into daytime TV except if there is big news someplace.

Every marriage has its ups and downs but every person entering into marriage should view it as a lifetime commitment. Too many people go from one marriage to another because they think if they don't like the first divorce is always available.

I can remember as we took our vows I was questioning myself if I really loved my husband to be enough to stay with him for a lifetime. I think a lot of people do if they are serious about marriage being until death parts us.

Maybe no one else questions themselves while taking the vows but I did and then took my vows and meant them. So did he. It's been nearly 43 years for us and we had our ups and downs the first couple of years like any other marriage. Now we know each other so well we know what the other is thinking.

Besides, I have one of the best husbands in the world. He spoils me rotten as evidenced by the amount of money we are spending to re-do the entire inside of our house just because it started out I wanted to get rid of carpet and put hardwood floors down.

Now, bathrooms have been re-done and we have granite counter tops in the kitchen. I guess our seventies house is now a 21st century house!

I would have said I have the best husband in the world, but you would have argued with me about that so I said one of the best. LOL

Barb said...

LOL! Men who pack shoe boxes for kids are among the best, I think!

steve said...

I had no doubts! and I agree about the lifelong commitment thing. If you really love someone, then you are interested in their betterment above yours.. Most people don't understand that.. they think it is about THEIR happiness.. but it is really about the other person's happiness - a lot times that means personal sacrifice.

Jeanette said...

Speaking of packing shoe boxes, Barb, I haven't shared this with you yet.

My husband has been nominated again to be a deacon in our church. He was nominated two years ago, but turned it down because he thought he'd have to give the offertory prayer in church and is too shy to do that around a large group of people.

This time I told him it was the second request and he should pray about it. He checked all the Bible verses and found that he qualifies (no surprise)and today the deacon who sent the letter called him before my husband could call the deacon, asked my husband if he had any unresolved questions, and my husband said no and he will submit his paperwork this week.

Praise the Lord! He's not afraid to pray over the sick or for grieving families or do visitation; he just doesn't want to pray in front of a few hundred people at a time. Sounds kind of like Moses with his stuttering, only Don is just shy.

Jeanette said...


It looks as though you entered your marriage with eyes wide open and knowing it takes both people to make it a happy marriage. Pleasing yourself is not the ultimate goal if that's all you want. When you try to please your spouse you will always please yourself too.

It's a give and take thing, but after all the giving and taking you become so comfortable with your spouse you can't remember what life was like before you married, and I mean that in a good way.

May you continue to have marital bliss.

Barb said...

BTW, Dr. Phil is a licensed psychologist, I believe, Jeanette. Maybe he could help Mudrake's ocd --as he just left another dropping today.

He first started coming on Oprah's show for his expertise (maybe Oprah was his patient) and his show is a spin-off from hers started by Harpo (oprah's) company. Same with Dr. Oz.

I almost never catch Dr. Phil --or Oprah --just once in awhile. I'd rather blog!

To you, Denis Eble, aka mudrake/liberal democrat, whose comment got deleted for posting names and being obsessively off-topic --obese people are often depicted as jolly and good natured, relaxed --and the skinny are miserly villainous and/or neurotic types. Fits here, I think.

However, my church has more slender people than obese in it --and the pastor is trim --a runner. Therefore, thoroughly respectable in your book. No addictions at all.

His sermon yesterday was on the peace the church should work for --that Christ came to reconcile us to God --and also to each other. I'm willing, you know.

But a naughty blogger has to be disciplined. So, OUT YOU GO --again!

Barb said...

o by the way, Denis, I didn't say I was getting commenters from another blog --just readers who would see your name. I'm not bothered that they would see my name --it's just against my policy to expose anyone's identities --except yours because posting others' names seems to be your malicious obsession over here.

You go away with the bad blog behaviors and I won't be posting your name. Every time you post names of bloggers here and at your blog, you will be deleted and your identity will be broadcast. There is mercy --and there is also JUSTICE. I do both. It's a mercy if I can help you stop obsessing.

Barb said...

Hi STeve. I assume you and Jeanette also saw the topic before this one --on the wedding ring. If not, you might find it interesting. I did!
; D

Jeanette said...

You know, Barb, with all the spam Mudrake a.k.a. Denis Eble is posting on your blog, it might be a good idea to play the game he played. IE, move your blog to a free WordPress blog and then you will be able to catch his IP address and put it in the blacklist and never have to worry about him again.

I honestly fear for you because he is a stalker and is obsessed with chasing you and me around the internet. I haven't been "blessed" yet with his presence as far as I know, but I got his IP address from WhyNot when I published my url on that site and immediately put him into my blacklist.

I figured one good turn deserves another. If I can't comment on his blog I'm not going to allow him to comment on mine, and WordPress has more features to control unwanted stalkers.

If I lived where you live I'd put up a television security system to be checking out the grounds at all times. This man is not right in the head.

He has gone to Facebook and looked me up and admitted doing so on the French blog. I don't frequent Facebook too much, so he didn't get much info on me, but I checked the settings and made the page viewable only to friends, high school classmates and family. Since he qualifies as none of the above he won't have access.

Jeanette said...

Barb, please read the email that contains information I had originally posted here but deleted so you can decide what to do with it.

Barb said...

How did the surgery of your dear relative go, Jeanette?

Jeanette said...

My son had major surgery on Thursday, Barb, as you know. It lasted longer than expected and he was under anesthesia for about four and a half hours. Everything is fine, but they just wanted to make sure everything was OK and had a lot of muscle to cut through.

He actually called us around midnight and told us he feels likes he's been beaten up, but other than a sore and dry throat from the intubation he's just still sleepy and was going back to sleep.

Thanks for your prayers and the prayers of many. His mother, father, wife, and children are at last calm over this. He has been all along.

mud_rake said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jeanette said...

Then try this on for size, Mudrake:

Still think I'm a liar and hypocrite? Look, Buddy, I don't say things unless they're true and I can prove them, unlike you. Jerk my string too much and I can reveal more on you than you know I know. Don't test me because I'm not bluffing. I actually posted it here the other night but thought since it was Barb's blog I'd let her decide whether that information belonged here or not.

She can verify it. Now, you can say one is lying and the other is swearing to it and force my hand, or you can let all this go and leave Barb alone. What's your decision?

My information has to do with your identity and names of people very close to you. Don't push me.

Barb said...

To any who wonder, Jeanette responded to a Mudrake taunt which I deleted. He just put another one here which I deleted completely.

Pray for this severely disturbed man that he give up his obsession over here.