I was a bit disgusted with Dr. Phil this morning. He was counseling a family whose mother/wife was having an affair --and she still had 3 daughters at home. He said to the children that their mother "has a right to be happy" "wherever that would lead" --but there was "a right way and a wrong way" to go about it.
It was clear that Dad was just older-looking than mom --and better-looking, I might add. I didn't watch all of it so didn't hear any complaints about the husband. But I heard them say that she went to Vegas with Boyfriend and didn't have sex yet by HIS decision because he was waiting for her to divorce. I would've suggested that pedophiles do this --marry woman with kids and have no interest in sex with the grown women they seduce.
Dr. Phil did raise the question of why the wife thought the lover should be viewed as "honorable" for not having sex yet --while nevertheless sharing a bed with a married woman with kids. A man of integrity doesn't have affairs with married women, with or without sex.
Dr. Phil pretty much tried to alleviate any guilt for people who divorce in order to have their affair --that being the "right way to do wrong," apparently. He called ending the marriage and divorcing "the right way" to attain your happiness and get into a new relationship.
He said the younger children are "at risk" for all sorts of poor choices because of their mother's infidelity --he at least called it that. He offered marriage counseling or family counseling as needed at the show's expense. That's a good thing he does, but I didn't like him suggesting that the mother had a "right to happiness" that included a "right" to hurt her husband and kids. Do we really have a right to pursue sexual/romantic happiness apart from our vows and commitments to family? I think not. We need to work on the marriages we have.
To Dr. Phil's credit, he models a committed marriage; he calls infidelity what it is; he offers counseling --but then he seems to condone a "good divorce" as though divorce could be good.
I won't say divorce is never necessary --Jesus said adultery was grounds for divorce on the part of the aggrieved spouse, but He also said that God hates divorce and only allowed it "for the hardness of your hearts." I think REAL emotional and physical abuse are grounds, too, and any danger for the children from a spouse who abuses either them or the spouse. They say it is harmful for kids to see their mother tolerate abuse.
I do believe any 2 people CAN will to make their marriage work --but it does take two --though there are spouses who have modeled Christian love and forgiveness to difficult mates and seen their marriages saved.
A good marriage weathers a lot of storms and also mellows like a fine wine with age.
"God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance and have eternal life."--the Bible