What Causes Homosexual Orientation -- Words of Julie Harren, PhD

This lady has come to the same conclusions as I. That there ARE things that parents and society do to influence sexual orientation--and that there is hope for any who want to change. If bonds with parents are often influential on orientation, then gay marriage and parenting should be discouraged (like divorce should be discouraged) --because boys, especially, will not have that male role model they need. It is my view that states ought not make legitimate an institution that handicaps children who optimally fare best with both a mother and a father in a happy, loving, functional home. Of course, I believe that Christian faith and principles are the greatest aid to family life, in combination with common sense. (We all know of some Christian homes that do not apply scripture or common sense --and we also know that carnal nature with free will can mess up the best of homes--it's that Satan factor, tempting since the Garden of Eden.)

Julie Harren, Ph.D., LMFT wrote about origin of homosexuality, published at NARTH website :

....While environmental factors may include experiences of sexual abuse or other traumatic events, a common contributor to same-sex attractions is a disruption in the development of gender identity. Gender identity refers to a person's view of his or her own gender; that is, his or her sense of masculinity or femininity. Gender identity is formed through the relationships that a child has with the same-sex parent and same-sex peers.

The process of gender identification begins approximately between age two and a half and four. For boys, it is during this phase that they begin to move from their primary attachment with the mother to seeking out a deeper attachment with the father. For males, the relationship between a boy and his father is the initial source of developing a secure gender identity. It is through the father-son relationship that a boy discovers what he needs to know about being male, including who he is as a boy, how boys walk, how they talk, how they act, and so forth. As the father spends time with the son, shows interest in the son, and gives the son affirmation and affection, the father imparts to the son a sense of masculinity. The boy begins to develop a sense of his own gender by understanding himself in relation to his father.

When the child reaches the age of five, he begins to face another task, that is, to begin to attach to same-sex peers. At this age, he starts school and begins to look to the other boys to answer the same questions that his dad has been answering. He looks to the other boys to discover how they walk, how they talk, how they play, and how he measures up in relation to them. He seeks to be included, accepted, and acknowledged. Through the relationships he forms with other boys, he continues to gain a sense of masculinity, discovering more about others boys and therefore more about himself as a boy.

During the early years of elementary school, children are not usually very interested in playing with members of the opposite sex. They desire to spend time with members of the same sex. This is a very necessary stage of development, because a person cannot be interested in the opposite sex or in others, until he or she first understands himself or herself.

Eventually, after many years of bonding with members of the same sex, the boy enters puberty. At this time he begins to turn his attention to the opposite sex. He becomes curious about the gender which is different from his own, the female gender. With the simultaneous emergence of puberty, this curiosity becomes a sexual interest and a desire for romantic connection with the opposite sex.

Conversely, for the child who will develop a homosexual orientation, this process does not happen. So, what happens in the development of gender identity that would lead a child to have same-sex attractions? Typically, for this child, there is something that prevents him from attaching to the father. Either he doesn't have a father or a father figure, or he doesn't have a father who he perceives as safe and/or welcoming. Of course, there are many children who grow up without fathers and yet do not develop a homosexual orientation. In addition, there are many children who have loving fathers, yet still become homosexually oriented. This is due to the fact that there are various factors that contribute to a homosexual orientation. Human development is very complex and includes events, as well as perceptions about the events.

Perceptions are very important. Perceptions are more powerful than what actually happens, because perceptions become that person's reality. Perceptions are influenced by temperament. For example, a child with a more sensitive temperament might perceive rejection even when rejection is not intended. Temperament is the biological contributor; however, temperament alone is not enough to create a homosexual orientation. The temperament type must be met with the right environmental factors in order to produce same-sex attractions. Typically the child who will later develop same-sex attractions is naturally sensitive, observant, intelligent, and is sometimes more artistic than athletic. This child often tends to personalize and internalize experiences and observations.
So, if a child perceives that his father does not want a relationship with him, that child might try a few times to connect with his father, but will eventually retract in self-protection. This is called defensive detachment. Upon sensing rejection, the boy chooses to reject the father in return. He detaches from the father and even what the father represents, which is masculinity (Nicolosi & Nicolosi, 2001). Typically at this point, he will stay connected to the mother and will instead soak in femininity. Usually he is also surrounded by other female figures, such as, a sister, an aunt, or a grandmother. So at a time when he is craving masculine input and seeking to understand himself in terms of his male identity, he instead receives feminine input and begins to develop a sense of the feminine.
By the time this child enters school, he often has a difficult time relating with other boys. Either he is just more comfortable with the girls, who are more familiar to him, or he is intimidated by the boys. Often this child sees himself as different from the other boys. So he may hold back from bonding with them. If he has developed any feminine mannerisms, he might also be rejected by the other boys and quite possibly even ridiculed. He is craving acceptance from the other boys and continues to need this acceptance, though the need goes unmet. The boy watches the other boys from afar, he longs to be noticed by them, and included by them, yet he remains with the girls, further gaining a sense of the feminine while deeply craving the masculine.

This child typically spends his elementary school years learning about femininity while craving to understand masculinity. Specifically, he desires to understand himself in terms of his own masculine identity. Yet, he does not assimilate with the same-sex parent or same-sex peers, so he does not acquire a masculine identity. He associates with the feminine, which is his primary source of input. He does not develop a secure gender identity. So by the time this child reaches puberty, the craving for male input has grown and intensified. At this time in his life he is not curious about or interested in the opposite sex. He already knows all about the opposite sex-- they are quite familiar to him. What he is craving to know about is his own gender. He still deeply longs to know about boys. He longs to experience connections with males. This emotional need, the need for same-sex love, which has gone unmet, now begins to take on a sexual form. His unsatisfied cravings for male love become romantic cravings with the emergence of puberty. (Satinover, 1996).

To this child, it feels very natural that he longs for male love. In fact, he typically thinks that he was born that way, having craved male love for as long as he can remember. Indeed, he has craved this love most of his life. However, initially it was not a sexual craving. Instead, it was an emotional craving, a legitimate need for non-sexual love, an emotional need that has become sexualized.

The female development of homosexuality is a bit more complex. As with the male development, there are a number of factors that can contribute. For some women who end up with same-sex attractions, the development is similar to the male development previously described. For others, negative perceptions regarding femininity may lead to an internal detachment from their own femininity. For example, if a girl watches her father abuse her mother, the girl might conclude that to be feminine is to be weak. At an early age she might make an unconscious decision to detach from her female identity. She might detach from her own gender in an effort to protect herself from the perceived harmful effects of being female.

Sexual abuse is another factor that can contribute to a homosexual orientation. In these cases men are seen as unsafe, and lesbianism becomes a way of protecting against further hurt from a male. For some there might be a disconnection from the mother, and lesbianism becomes a search for motherly love. For others, same-sex attractions may not initially be present, but may later develop as a result of entering into a non-sexual friendship which becomes emotionally dependant. An emotionally dependent relationship is one in which two people seek to have their needs met by one another. It is a relationship in which healthy boundaries are not in place. The absence of appropriate emotional boundaries can then lead to a violation of physical boundaries.

For any of these reasons listed above, and in combination with other factors, same-sex attractions may develop. To the one who has these feelings, they are very real and very strong. There are many people who find themselves attracted to members of the same sex and yet do not want those attractions. For those who are dissatisfied with their sexual orientation, it should be noted that change is indeed possible. Research studies have revealed that change of sexual orientation does take place (see Spitzer, 2003; Byrd & Nicolosi, 2002). It is not a quick or easy process, but as with any other therapeutic issue, varying degrees of change are achievable through therapy and other means.

The inaccurate concept that homosexuality is solely biological is extremely misleading. Many therapists tell their clients that homosexuality is biological and therefore unchangeable. These therapists encourage their clients to embrace a gay identity, even when such clients are seeking change for their orientation. In doing so, therapists negate clients' rights to self-determination. Clients have the right to choose their own goals for therapy and should be allowed to pursue the path they desire. Clients should not be discouraged from pursuing change when change is what they seek. In order for clients to have the options made available to them, it is vital that therapists as well as clients become better educated on this issue.

References

Anastasia, T. (1995). New evidence of a gay gene. Time 146, 43.

Byrd, A. D., & Nicolosi, J (2002). A meta-analytic review of the treatment of homosexuality. Psychological Reports, 90, 1139-1152.

LeVay, S. (1996). Queer Science, Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.

Nicolosi, J. & Nicolosi, L. A. (2001). Preventing homosexuality in today's youth. InterVarsity Press.

Satinover, J. (1996). The gay gene? The Journal of Human Sexuality.
Spitzer, R. L. (2003). Can some gay men and lesbians change their sexual orientation? 200 participants reporting a change from homosexual to heterosexual orientation. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 32:5, 403-417.

Whitehead, N. & Whitehead, B. (1999). My genes made me do it: A scientific look at sexual orientation. Lafayette, LA: Huntington House Publishers.

Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 32, No. 5, October 2003, pp. 403-417

Updated: 9 April 2008

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"God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance and have eternal life."--the Bible

Obama, Beware of Hillary as Veep!

Obama definitely should not have Hillary as his running mate. It could be hazardous to his health. There are so many mysteriously dead people surrounding Bill Clinton and his presidency. He has underworld connections through the drug kingpin of Arkansas and his little brother's drug problems. "Things happened" in the Clinton years --too many things to seem coincidental.

How badly does Hillary want to be president? VERY badly. Enough to have hubby arrange something? Who can say with authority that it couldn't be possible?

"God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance and have eternal life."--the Bible

"Thomas," His Child's Father and Birth Mother

I saw "Thomas," the transgendered male, on Oprah again and caught more of the show, a re-run.

It was interesting that she was a striking beauty and model in her youth --but her boyfriend of 3 1/2 years dumped her because he didn't think she was feminine enough for him when he coached her to her black belt in martial arts and said she could fight like a man. What I didn't know before --that her mother had died when she was quite young? I missed the part about her death --and she only had brothers and father.

So what happened to her is the same thing that NARTH says happens to the gender identity disordered males raised in female households without close fathers. They know the world of whatever sex they are raised in --the other is an alluring mystery to them. They identify with the sex of the people surrounding them. If the guy peers don't make a niche for them, their need for a father's love and approval, for a man they can admire who will mentor them, is such that their interest in the same sex may become sexual/eroticized at some point. They crave what they are denied--or perceive that they are denied --same-sex love of parents and peers. They are more comfortable around the opposite sex socially during the years when they should have preferred the same sex for friends --during childhood and adolescence.

For "Thomas" her homosexual interest didn't occur until she was in her 20's. So "born that way" doesn't seem to apply to "him."

Now "his" child will have the distinction of saying "my father is my mother."

"Thomas" is a likeable personality --who always knew how to walk and talk male --for the absence of a close woman in her life. He is legally a male by transgendering --but never had all the surgery --only the hormones and breast removal.

We need to acknowledge that children need both a father and mother for the sake of their own sexuality--and she is evidence. At least, "Thomas" is evidence that girls need a mom --and we see plenty of real life evidence that boys need a dad. And we already know that children in single parent households don't fare as well (on average, in various ways) as those with a Mom and Dad. Children of the divorced, e.g., are over 90 per cent likely to get divorced themselves.

I predict that objective study will ultimately show that children with gay parents will have more "issues" to deal with and overcome in life than those in functional, happy families with both a mom and a dad --as Jesus recommended:

Matthew 19:4-6 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)

4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'[a] 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'[b]? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Footnotes:

1. Matthew 19:4 Gen. 1:27
2. Matthew 19:5 Gen. 2:24

"God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance and have eternal life."--the Bible

Transgendering --It's Mutilation, Dysfunction, Experimentation!

Something surely happens in the life of a child who concludes he's in the wrong body and really IS a girl in "his" essential nature. Or a girl who's really a man. Defending this is nonsensical. Don't we know that there are people who ARE mentally ill? deluded? devoting their whole mental preoccupation to being and acting as people they are not? You talk to someone in the asylum who thinks he's Jesus Christ and try to reason with him and you may conclude he's hopeless. But with boys who think they are girls, etc., many today conclude --"O I guess he really IS a girl. HE thinks so! we'll have to give him risky hormones and surgery to conform his body with his delusion!" and thus guarantee that he/she will NEVER have a really normal or happy life.

It is too likely that others will not fully accept that he is a she entitled to share dorm rooms, bathrooms, dates and marriage to a man--since "her" genes are male. And function will probably be less than normal --and procreation the normal way will be out of the question. YEars of surgery, hormone treatments, and thousands of dollars asked for from employers and insurance companies to help this once normal body, approximate the body of the opposite sex --through surgical mutilation and risky hormone treatments.

If I were the parent of a confused child, I certainly would say, "No thanks!" to that kind of life for him.

I see kids today who are very stubborn about getting their way --and I wonder if for some this gender switch isn't an example of that. And if they had any idea of the pain they were signing up for --would it not be better to reorient one's thinking!?

Why don't we tell kids that God made them male or female for His purposes and that following His way is always the most fulfilling choice to make? I believe we are making a huge mistake to give kids the idea that they have a choice to be male or female and to marry a male or female. It's not their right to choose. And yet it is a choice when they decide to TRY (futilely) to be something they really are not --and to be with people in abnormal ways.

Genesis 1:27 ~
So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.

"God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance and have eternal life."--the Bible

Fate or Free Will?? A Good Question

Yankee Doodle wrote:

I have a question, and it's not related to this article.

Recently my teacher asked us whether we believe in fate or free will. Honestly, I didn't know how to answer that question. Could you please tell me what does the Bible say about that?

Thank you.

June 5, 2008 5:34 PM
Blogger Rob R said...

Though you've asked ma, This is an issue I've studied a great deal.
The church has taken several positions on this issue. One side has taken the view that God has determined everything that has and will ever happen and the other side has taken the position that God created creatures with significant free will. There are a variety of positions regarding these issues with different nuances and in combination with a variety of doctrines, but over all, there are still two basic sides. Either God has determined absolutely everything, or he hasn't and has granted his creatures a degree of self determinism. (The closest thing to a middle ground is a position called molinism which I may or may not go into in this post)

Both sides use scripture to back up their claims. The determinists (often called "Calvinists" after theologian John Calvin) like to use Romans 9 and Isaiah 45:7 (see the king james version on that second verse)

The indeterminist (often called Arminians after theologian Jacob Arminius, or just free will theists) will often cite 2nd Peter 3:9 or John 3:16.

So both sides use scripture and both sides deal with the "problem passages" for their own perspectives. That is, they attempt to explain away the other position's passages.

There is far more scripture to consider than just these and it's been a while since I've gone into all the different texts. But I'll give you my position and a few important reasons including biblical reasons as to why I hold that position.

I am a free will theist as I find free will is behind some of our most basic intuitions in human thought and behavior, and I find the notion that God completely determined everything including every wicked act from the mildest to the most unspeakable to be repugnant beyond belief. Furthermore, these issues relate to the question of predestination and free will, and the implication of determinism, that God has determined (even by something some Calvinists refer to as "second causes") that some specific people will be damned to an eternal hell (or even just oblivion as some hold to in a position called "annhiliationism" which is a theory about damnation and not necessarily about predestination) is even more grievious.

One of the first passages that I found that I felt could not be explained away by calvinists was 1st corinthians 10:13. This passage explains that if a Christian is tempted, God will provide a way for the Christian to escape that temptation and not sin. If theological determinism is correct, then it really isn't true that a christian who was tempted and sinned could have avoided that sin since in determinism, there is no way to do other than what God has determined.

A calvinist could get around this by insisting that Christians never sin, but this is observably false and a biblical case can be made to the effect that Christians do indeed sin.

So if Christians sin, then free will is necessary as far as 1st Corinthians 10:13 is concerned.

In my studies, I cam across what I believe to be what is absolutely the most important argument against theological determinism (given that the theological determinist believes that God damns people to hell... we'll call this belief "reprobation," that is the combined belief of damnation and theological determinism). If you believe in reprobation, then it is impossible for you to perfectly follow the two greatest commandments as Jesus described them. Jesus said those two greatest commandments were to love God with all of your being and to love your neighbor as yourself.

So if God reprobates people, then most likely, some of the neighbors of any given Christian are reprobated even though the Christian doesn't know specifically who. Now what is the Christian called to do with regard to his neighbor? He is to love his neighbor as he loves himelf. What does that mean. One thing that this entails is that the Christian identifies the needs of his neighbor as if they were his own. What does his neighbor need more than anything? It is the love and salvific grace of God. But according to the doctrine of reprobation, it is God himself who refuses to extend his this grace. Now if God is refusing your most important basic need, can you love him with all your heart? Not at all. According to the apostle John, we love because God first loved us. So without that need met for our neighbor, in consistence with a love for them as if their needs were our own, we cannot be at peace with the idea that they are reprobate. If you really are identifying your neihbor's need as if it were your own, the idea that God himself refuses to satisfy this need that you are now identifying as your own should shake you to the core. You should not be at peace with it. This is so fundamental that it will interfere with one's ability to love God with all of one's being.

Hence if God reprobates, then we cannot satisfy the two greatest commands.

You could still be a determinist and get around this argument by denying that God damns anyone. These people are universalists as they believe that either everyone goes to heaven, or that hell is more like the catholic idea of purgatory so that one day everyone will repent and leave hell.

I hope these ideas and reasonings are clear to you but understand that this is a huge issue and what I've written here is just an introduction which leaves a lot of important information out.

June 5, 2008 7:07 PM

"God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance and have eternal life."--the Bible